Insomniac - Help

i have trouble sleeping.
i am an insomniac.

11.30pm

I just finished watching Bangkok Dangerous on Starmovies. God I hate Nicholas Cage's hair in that movie. It makes him look so old.. Hmm. I switched channels for abit. From HBO to Starworld to Animal Planet and TV3. NOTHING good was on. I glanced at the clock.

11.45pm

My stomach was Boom Boom Pow'ing. I just remembered i skipped lunch and there was nothing to eat for tea. So that means I havent ate since breakfast. Which was two slices of tuna sandwich. Took out a packet of maggi mee and put on the Twilight playlist in my phone. Bella's Lullaby and River flows in you was playing as I was preparing my supper. Ahh.. Delicious.

12.00am

I still have around one and a half hour. Maybe I should play Wii for awhile. Crap. No nice games. He havent game the games he bought for me yet. Cursing.. I got a text message. Sighed. Cursed again. And told myself, I told you so. Made my way upstairs. Scrolled through my contacts, hesitated to text him. But I did. Got a dissapointing reply. I mean, what do you expect right ? I saw it coming really. Scrolled again. Saw his name. Decided not to.

12.20am

Realized that theres no one to call or text, I tried to sleep. Kept my eyes shut. Saw darkness. But my brains would'nt stop analyzing the darkness. There's nothing there. It just won't stop working. God when I want my brains to work it just would'nt now its totally refusing to shut down. I opened my eyes. The red from my night light was suddenly brighter then I remembered.

2.ooam
GO TO SLEEP

4.00am
Lady Gaga - Bad Romance playing.
Rah-rahh-aah-aah-aaa
Roma-roma-ma-maa
Ga-ga-Ooh-la-la
Want your bad romance.

I was awake within seconds.
Quickly got up. Searching madly for the phone under my pillows, blanket.. Argh where is it ? Lady Gaga was deafening me with Bad Romance. Found it. Pressed the green button. I felt a sort of cozy and warm feeling when I heard the caller's voice. It was him... Finally.

In split seconds, the atmosphere changed. From Indian summer to Winter in the North Pole. What did he say again ? I can't remember the exact words.. But I didnt' like it. Dissappointed again. Holding back the tears. I hardly replied to anything he said.

Hung up.

Why is it so hard all of a sudden ?
Its become a pain.
It hurts everywhere now.
Every inch of my body.

I can hear myself screaming in my head. Rage swelling up. Why am so angry now ? Hatred. Towards whom ? I don't know. What is happening ? Confusion. Suddenly, a flashback of the whole week started playing in my head like a tape going on fast forward.

I see my friends, family. Laughter. Good times. Happy times. Yes, i was happy. I am happy. Am I ? I am not sure.

I have great people around me. Great family and friends. I am grateful. Really. But sometimes I still feel so isolated.. Its hard to open up and tell everything. Even to your CLOSEST friend. So what do I do now ?

6.00am
Am I asleep yet ?

Fiction or not ?
YES. Its a fiction